Everybody Wants to Rule the World
by NefertariHime
Summary: My weak attempt at humour. Quiver with fear. First chapter, Genie in a Bottle, uploaded.


_Disclaimer: Hasbro's, not mine. _

Author's notes: Random silliness, in case it wasn't obvious. Vaguely slashy, I suppose, too... First part in the series, Everyone wants to Rule the World. Fear. :D 

**Genie in a Bottle**

Inferno was in love. 

Well, of course! Anyone with half a brain could tell that he was in love - well. In love or mad, which some cynics claim is the same, but then, those are the kinds of cynic that sit in front of the telly, eating and/or drinking and complaining over how merciless and cruel the opposite sex is, so what do they know. 

At any rate, Inferno was in love and currently eganged in a heart-warming activity with the object of his affections. 

"Don't call me that!" 

And Inferno was knocked to the floor, grinning happily. His Queen was so nice, to bother about hitting him. "As you wish, my Queen." 

If looks could kill, someone once said, Inferno would be a nice little pile of dust on the floor. 

Inferno grinned cheerfully up at Megatron, quite in love. 

The tyrant's glare melted into one of utmost despair as he prepared to tell Inferno, again, why he, Megatron, wasn't a queen. "Inferno, I've told you this before; I am male. Male's cannot be queens, no!" 

Inferno blinked, this concept totally over his head, and grinned vacantly. See, Inferno in love + mad Inferno = stupid Inferno, though some cynics claim that he was stupid before. Of course, those were the kinds of cynic with eight legs who, when not plotting to overthrow Megatron, were busy galavanting through each other's heads, so what did they know. 

Megatron made a sound suspiciously like whimpering and waved his hand tiredly. "Go on patrol, Inferno." 

Inferno stood and saluted, singing cheerfully, "Yes, my Queen!" And he was off, into the wild yonder of prehistoric Earth. 

***

Earth is a dustball. Well, yeah, there are oceans and mountains and forests and-- don't argue the point! Earth is a dustball! 

... 

Good. Anyway, on this dustball, Inferno quite cheerfully waddled along, scanning the ground with his antennae. He liked doing that. There was so much ground to scan, and sometimes he even found stuff! Neat! 

And we all know what'll happen now, right? That's right, Inferno found something. He blinked. Scanned it again. Blinked again. Then decided to transform and pick up the object. Which he did. 

It was a bottle, crafted beautifully out of teal glass, swirling patterns decorating the surface, curling around the neck. Inferno being the lovable wee ant that he is, his first thought was, 'Is it edible?' This was closely followed by, 'Can it be used in battle?' And finally, 'Would the Queen like it?' Around that time, Inferno noticed that there was something swirling around in the bottle, and so, in order to see better, he carefully rubbed at the dust on it. 

"Pop!" went the cap as it flew off the bottle. 

"Ack!" went inferno as he let go in shock. 

"Clunk!" went the bottle as it was dropped by Inferno. 

And out from the bottle curled smoke, and in that smoke a human, a good deal more advanced-lookin' than the critters currently on the planet, materialised. Inferno promptly whipped out his flamethrower. 

The man bowed. "Master... Tell me your three grandest wishes, and they shall come true." 

Inferno stared, flamethrower still poised. "What?" 

The man looked him over, frowning a bit, before saying, "Make three wishes and they shall be granted." 

Inferno did not understand this, and as such said nothing. The man seemed to be waiting. This is the rivveting course of their conversation. 

"..." said Inferno. 

"..." said the man. 

"..." said Inferno, blinking vacantly. 

"..." said the man, frowning. 

"..." said Inferno, grinning. 

"Will you just make three wishes?!" said the man, clearly annoyed. 

Inferno started and blinked, coming out of his own little happy-dappy world, which consisted of a purple dinosaur singing, "I love you, you love me," in a decidedly more sultry tone than Barney would ever get away with. "Er... Wishes?" queried Inferno. 

The man looked ready to kill Inferno. "Yes! You make three wishes and I will grant them!" 

Inferno seemed quite pleased with this idea, now that it finally reached his neural circuits. "Oh. I like that." 

"Most people do," the man informed him dryly. 

Being a good little ant, Inferno's first wish was, "Ooh! Defeat the Maximals!" And he grinned proudly, having done something for the Colony. 

The man spent a moment reading Inferno's mind before nodding. "It is done. They will very soon surrender." 

***

At the Axalon, klaxons were sounding and things malfunctioning. 

"What's happenin'?!" shouted Rattrap, as computer after computer exploded. 

"I don't know!" Rhinox called back, trying to get Sentinel back online, which was silly considering the computers were exploding. 

Dinobot, ever pragmatic, pulled out his sword and prepared for an attack. He looked very strange as the sword broke at the middle, and then looked stranger as it broke at the hilt. 

***

The man spread his hands in a questioning gesture. "And your second wish?" 

Inferno thought long and hard, avoiding the temptation to slip into daydreams again. Then he beamed. "Make my Queen supreme ruler of the entire galaxy!" 

The man blinked and frowned. "Gee, can't you think bigger?" he muttered sarcastically under his breath. "It is done." 

***

All through-out the galaxy, rulers abdicated in favour of someone named Megatron. They were all greatly confused. 

***

The man looked almost frightened as he asked, "And your third wish?" 

Inferno, once again, pondered, but had trouble thinking of a third way to benifit his Colony. About now, it might help to lend credence to the cynics' claim that Inferno has always been stupid. Then, like lightning from a clear sky, or maybe as an author in a fever-daze from his/her keyboard, Inferno remembered Megatron's comment that, "Males cannot be queens, no!" 

And Inferno, sweet, selfless, little Inferno found that that must be horrible for his queen, not being able to be a queen! And as such, he grinned at the man and proclaimed, "I wish that you make my Queen female!" 

The man gave Inferno a queer look-- 

_~~Interlude~~_

    Dictionary definitions for the unwashed masses: Queer;   
        adjective: (informal) not as expected   
        adjective: beyond or deviating from the usual or expected 

            Example: _"Something definitely queer about this town"_

_~~End Interlude~~_

--and said, "Your queen... isn't female?" 

Inferno shook his head mournfully. "No... But with your help!" He beamed. 

The man shook his head and sighed. "Very well. It is done." 

The ant looked quite cheerful and finally decided to lower his flamethrower. "Thank you, strange, little creature. I shall not kill you now." 

The man swirled into his bottle, grumbling, "Gee, thanks. And I'm a genie..." 

***

The Predacon base, affectionatly known as the DarkSoundSideWave, was not a particularly happenin' spot. So therefore the rather feminine screech that suddenly sounded called a good deal of attention. Especially from Blackarachnia since, knowing that there were no other femmes on the Pred side, there shouldn't be any feminine screeches unless made by her. And she hadn't made that one. 

All the Predacons present therefore edged curiously in the direction the sound had come from. 

Once again the feminine voice sounded, though this time a tad more coherent, "Inferno! I am going to bloody _kill you_! Yess...!" The voice was unrecognisable, the accent only familiar. But no one could mistake the hissed affirmation at the end of the sentence. 

Blackarachnia's dark optics widened. "Megatron?" 

From their leader's quarters stepped an - admitedly smaller and certainly more curved, but none the less familiar - irate Megatron, the "Get out of my way or _die_!" glare firmly in place. 

"Wow, who's she?" asked Quickstrike. "She sure is purty." 

Everyone stared for a moment at the idiotic fuzor. Then they stared an even longer moment at where he had been a few seconds before, until Megatron saw it fit to blast him into the wall. 

Then they stared back at Megatron. "Nice rack," Tarantulas dryly observed, and then ducked hurriedly, in order to avoid sharing Quickstrike's fate. 

Blackarachnia finally managed to close her mouth for long enough to ask the obvious question. "What... happened?" 

Megatron growled, which didn't sound quite as threatening as usual, "Inferno! I don't know how, and I really don't care; I just know that he's to blame for this!" He, er... she clenched her fists spasmodically, as if to crush a certain someone's throat. "I will tear out his fuel-line, slowly and painfully, yeess...! Roast him over a slow fire made with his own flame-throwers, peal the metal from his frame--" 

Blackarachnia giggled. "I-I'm sorry," she gasped. "But you just-- PMSing much?" She laughed hysterically and only barely managed to duck as well. 

***

So, there was Inferno, waddling back to base, a content, little antlet. 

And there was Megatron, storming around the base, a very _non_-content, female T-rex. 

And there are you, sitting before your computer, having to wait patiently, or impatiently for the next part. 

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
